The Realist Online: Issue 5 - Another Testament

The Realist Online Issue 5: Another Testament of The Apocrypha.

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It has come to our attention that some people believe that they have been personally identified and/or harassed in past issues. Please realize, any characters, places, or incidents in a given article are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. All realist contributors are asked to abstain from personal attacks. We have no desire to actually hurt people. All material containing what we recognize as personal attacks is returned to the authors.

-Bob
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Dear Realist Reader:

It has come to my attention that certain individuals may have been offended by the use of my pseudonym on the front cover of issue three. Unfortunately, due to limited space, I had decided not to include an in-depth explanation of the significance behind the name “Bastard Bob.” Many of you probably assume that I created the name to initiate a shock response to readers; however, I assure you that this is not the case. Obviously, my name is not Bob nor am I a bastard, yet if I explain the origins of the name to you, it will seem less offensive.

In the small town where I was born, my best friend was a young boy named Robert whom I called “Bobby.” Bobby’s mom was the town pariah — the woman at the well so to speak. She became pregnant with Bobby in the tenth grade during a drinking binge at a senior high football party. The town rumors suggest Bobby’s dad was the quarter-back; however, this rumor has never been confirmed and Bobby’s father has never come forward (it is doubtful if Bobby’s mom even knows the identity of Bobby’s father). When her parents found out she was pregnant, Bobby’s mother was kicked out of her home arid forced to live with her grandmother. By month five it was no longer possible to hide her protruding belly, thus both her church and school asked her leave. With the love of her grandmother, Bobby’s mother was able to complete the pregnancy. However, to add complications to an already dire situation, Bobby was born with a deformed left foot and a slight developmental delay, which caused a speech impediment as well as fine-motor skill problems. The town’s whore now had a retarded son.

Despite the rumors surrounding the weird boy who talked fast and walked slow, as well as the small town’s expectations, I befriended Bobby in Junior High. I helped Bobby with his studies — tutoring him in math, science and reading. One day when we were walking home from school, a group of older kids started to throw apples at Bobby from across the street. They were swearing and calling him names like gimp, bastard, and retard. I froze and did nothing to help my friend. I was terrified that I would be beat up along with Bobby. I was also slightly ashamed to be Bobby’s friend. Suddenly, Bobby stopped. He walked across the street, up to the older boys and said in his strange unique voice:
“That’s right, I’m Bastard Bob. I talk funny, I walk like a chicken, and I don’t know who my father is. Why don’t you just drop it?!” I was shocked and still scared. I thought Bobby would be pummeled for sure. But the older boys just walked away. That particular group of kids never bullied Bobby again.

From that day forward, Bobby always introduced himself as “Bastard Bob.” He said that referring to himself in that way took the power of the word “bastard” away from all the people in town. After high school, Bobby stayed in town and worked at the Chevron station, while I went away to college. He became a kind of bully police officer who stood up for all the kids who were picked on. Bobby became the community helper who everyone respected.

Bobby died in a car accident three years ago. Everyone in town attended his funeral, even the boys who used to pick on him. I still call and visit Bobby’s mom. She says that Bobby’s spirit of compassion for the underdog lives on in me. Whenever she hears about me sticking up for someone, she calls me “Bastard Bob.”

-B-Bob

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Letters to The Realist.

The Realist,
Your intentions are admirable. Unfortunately, they are completely unnecessary and in fact, ludicrous and insulting. You want people to grow in Christ? Well, Christ is love and you have represented to me that you are not. Your intentions of love don’t mean that you love, it’s the real you that is represented in your paper, and what is represented in your paper is sarcasm, personal attacks, mockery, and judgment (which you write about.. .if you don’t want people to judge you than don’t judge others...your sarcasm is judgment). I don’t find love in any of these things. (Your article has defined Jude 17-1 9, maybe excluding the last times part, maybe not.. .who knows?) You also advertised (in issue 2) that the next issue will be turned into a rumor column about people doing drugs, having sex, etc. Again, no love there. Everybody sins. . . and you’ve proven to me that God is right in saying that. And another thing I don’t like you using the word Whorescope. Are you called all ________ girls whores. My girlfriend goes here and so does my sister. If you are calling them whore I kick you (ass). Jesus might be able to forgive you but never will. I hate you! PS If you print this I’ll sue you!

- Gregory Edmunds

Thanks for comments Greg; unfortunately, we didn’t have enough room to print your entire two-page attachment. Keep sending stuff in. We love you! B-Bob.
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Dear Realist:
I was completely appalled by your use of the f-word in issue four. U2 is a Christian band and they would never use that word. Please do not misquote them again.

- U2 Fan
U2 Fan: Go and buy the album, Pop (1997) and listen to track twelve. FYI — I’ve seen U2 in concert twice and Bono swears constantly. B-Bob.

PS — Only Bono, Edge, and Larry are professed Christians; Adam is an agnostic.

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Hey guys, sup!? I respect your efforts here, this paper may be trashy, immature, and offensive, but at least it’s an attempt to free expression. I could say a lot of stuff against your paper, but there seem to be a lot of people doing that. Some more respect in your tone might be nice, but you need encouragement. Good job guys! — Saved

Thanks. If you want to clean up The Realist, send something in and we’ll print it. Ha Kohen

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Dear Realist Staff and Contributors:
Thanks for bringing sexual assault issues out in the open for our school. I’m glad that this school is becoming a safe place to talk about our problems. To the writer: Thanks for your courage. God bless. - Friend in Christ

Thanks for reading
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Dear Realist:
Your “Conversation with a Muslim” interview was trash. If I wanted to learn about terrorism tactics and anti-Semitism, I’d go to a University in Iraq.
- A Christian from a Christian College

Did you even read the article? Go take your hate somewhere else.

- Cutty Sark.
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Dear Bastard Bob;
My computer crashed and I lost Part II of “Conversations with a Muslim.” Sorry! I’ll see if Khan is available to re-answer the unpublished questions and send them in ASAP. Loft.

Thanks Loft.
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*Correction Notice: In Issue 4, page 6 an editorial comment from B-Bob is missing at the bottom of the page. It should read: “Stay tuned for upcoming interviews with a Jew and a homeless person - B-Bob”

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Staff members at the Realist have decided to compile a list of music that best represents the taste of each individual writer. Enjoy. Check out Hot Chick #2’s list next issue.
B-Bob.

B-Bob’s Top Ten Songs he cannot get out of his Head This Week:
1) “Lust for Life” — Iggy Pop
The godfather of punk knows what he’s talking about. This song has a message and I hear it loud and clear.

2) “If you want Blood, you’ve got it!” — AC/DC
Bon Scott’s vocals on this song are amazing. This song would be great for a Red Cross blood drive!

3) “Tina Toledo’s Street Walking Blues” — Ryan Adams
Wow. If you want to know what it’s like to work the streets, groove along with this tune.

4) “I’ve been Down so Long” — The Doors
Jim Morrison’s soul is crying out: “I’ve been down so goddamn long that it looks like up to me.” An anthem for those who have not filled their “god-shaped vacuums.”

5) “Dancing Queen” — Abba
Abba Rocks! Ace-of-Base does not nearly fill the void...

6) “Me and the Devil Blues”- Robert Johnson.
Don’t listen to this song with the lights off. Haunting. Maybe he actually did sell his soul to the devil, just like the legend says.

7) “1 don’t like the Drugs, but the Drugs Like me” — Marilyn Manson
This guy is a genius. This power-pop gem expresses the struggle of the addict inside all of us.

8) “1 hate myself and I want to die” — Nirvana
Why didn’t they ever put this song on an album? Kurt Cobain was in pain.

9) “More Human than Human” — White Zombie
I wish I lived in L.A. in the late eighties and early nineties. These guys played at the Whiskey all the time.

10) “Wade in the Water” — Eva Cassidy
This woman’s voice is beyond amazing.

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GRANDMA THOMSON’S KRISPYKR (INCH BARS)


Hello, I’m a former student of ________I thought I would contribute a non-controversial recipe to the paper to lighten the mood. Jam not a heretic; Jesus would approve of these tasty treats.

You will need:
- 2 cup peanut butter
2 1/2 cup icing sugar
2 1/2 cup Rice Krispies
4 Tb. butter or margarine
1/2 cup chopped walnuts (optional)
Mix all ingredients in a bowl. Press into 9x9” pan that has been lined with wax paper. Cover with icing.
Icing Ingredients:
-2/3 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 Tb. butter or margarine
Melt icing ingredients together over low heat. Spread over bars. Chill. Cut into 36 squares and enjoy!

- Name Withheld by request

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Love in Action.

“For God so loved the World that he gave his only begotten son...” is the most well known verse in the Bible. What is it saying? Love is not a feeling! It is an action! God’s love is in His action by which his son is sent. “For no greater love has a man than laying down his life...” is another verse stating the action of Love. Jesus states that we must “learn” to Love. He disciplined his disciples into his image. He taught them how to love their fellow humans. But what about the feelings that we feel, what is that? It would be better to call them an infatuation; not love. This does impact how we interpret the summing up of the law into the two Golden rules of Christianity “Love God” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.” How do we turn these two laws into an action?

The first premise that we need to realize is that God is all-powerful and does not need anything from humanity. If this is true, then how do you suppose that we show God that we love him? We need to go back to the creation story for the answer. We are created to have a relationship with God. We are meant to live in a perfect relationship with him. He is the creator and we are meant to be subject to Him. We lost this relationship, when we took upon ourselves the knowledge of “Good” and “Evil”. We tried to supplant God’s authority. Jesus paid the price for us but we still need to acknowledge it by living out a righteous life.

We were also created just to live. No other reason. This is such a simple answer that it is sometimes overlooked. Just live life to the fullest and we will be showing God that we appreciate what he has done for us. Use our talents to the fullest. Enjoy his creation. Learn, mourn, cry, feel, laugh and just live. This will bring Glory to God and show him that we love him.

God also created us to live in a social contract with one another. We love God by living within the social rules that are developed for us by him. We are meant to build a strong community and family. Be fruitful and multiply is a command from God. He is telling us to build up a society that will bring him Glory. This means that God has created a “Social Contract” that we ought to follow. The Ten Commandments are ethical codes that will build strong, respectful and loving communities. If we love God, we will follow these commandments. They will not save us but they will show that we Love him. I will show you my faith through my actions.

Now we move onto loving our neighbors. How do we love ourselves if love is an action? This is an easy one: we feed ourselves, we clothe ourselves, we shelter ourselves and we look after our own health. Jesus came to heal the broken hearted, to feed the poor and take care of the widows. He gave us a blue print on how to love each other through his own actions. He sacrificed much so that we may live. He always gave first expecting nothing in return. 1 John 3: 17 states “But whoever has this worlds goods and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart towards him, flow does the love of God abide in him? If we ignore the needs of others when we are able to help, we do not love our fellow man. Loving your neighbor is shown not felt.

What if God did not send Jesus? He could have just said he had meaningless fluffy feelings but he did not. He showed it! If God did nothing he would have hated humanity. Hate is the lack of action or a harmful action. But God seems silent now. He does not always stop the evil in the world; does this not show that he does not love us? This is not a valid argument about Gods lack of Love because his apparent lack of action. The sun comes up every day doesn’t it? He also has already paid the ultimate price for us. He died on the cross so that we have the strength and hope to have a proper relationship with him. The rest is up to us to do. God gave us the responsibility to learn to live in a proper community and establish a Utopian society. We have to love our fellow humans. There needs to be more than feelings there needs to be deeds. Learning to love means learning to do the deeds. If we recognize that what we do is for God our hearts will change by being disciplined. Faith Alone may save us but we definitely have to show that we are saved by our Actions because Love is not a feeling it is our actions.

-Nathan Steve Johnson

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An Interview with a Sex Trade Worker

How old are you?
I’m twenty-three years old.
How long have you been involved in the Sex Trade?
I ran away when I was fifteen years old.
Why did you run away from home?
I left because I felt safer on the streets. My father used to let his friends touch me. Eventually he told me I was lazy and needed to pay to live there, so he set me up with guys that would pay him to have sex with me. When he’d drink he’d beat me up, and call me a slut so it seemed safer to leave home. I just couldn’t handle it any more. At least now I control what I allow to happen to me.
Do you use any drugs?
Yes, I’ve done jibb (Crystal Meth), coke (cocaine), Down (Heroin), pot (marijuana), Rock or Crack (cocaine in the form of a Rock, before it’s cut) and plenty of others. I stick to Crack these days, only stupid kids use Jibb it’ll kill you!
Are you currently addicted to drugs?
Yes, you can’t do what I do straight you’ll kill yourself for sure. Mostly I use Crack and sometimes I inject coke but then I gotta use Down to sleep. That sucks though because Down is bad for O.D.ing (over dose).
Do you use protection with your dates?
Yes, probably more often than the average person. Stupid kids will allow a date to go without, but me, forget it, these
guys pick up lots of girls in a night, some of them have been around longer than I have, definitely a risk of Hep. C or
HIV. I don’t want to get it from some asshole that doesn’t wear a rubber.
Do you believe in God?
Yes, without him I wouldn’t still be alive, I pray everyday to keep me safe. It is sometimes the only thing that I have. I remember a prayer that a foster parent taught me once. Jesus is the only one who loves me no matter what I do or how I survive.
Why the prayer from the Foster Parent?
She taught me what love was and she loved me. I did a lot of things that hurt me but she loved me anyway. She used to read the Bible to me. It was just a story at first then I realized how it could help me with the pain and help me to keep going.
What do you think of Christians?
I don’t know many, but there are people at the food lines who I think are Christians. Most of them are nice. They don’t ask too many questions, they let me tell them my story. I know what I am and they know what I am.
Can you please clarify what you mean by that statement?
I am an addict. I use my body to survive. I don’t hide that fact. They know what that means, sucking off stupid men who can’t get it from anyone else. F*cking some b*stard whose wife is tired of him and refuses “kinky” sh*t.
Do you want to quit?
Yes, I know that selling my ass for the Rock is no way to live but it’s too hard to be straight. I have been to treatment lots of times; it’s all good until I leave. When I leave I’m faced with my life, the abuse, the isolation, the neglect and the dirty men that pick me up. It always happens I’ll have two weeks clean I’ll be in a recovery house or something, finally get my first welfare cheque and I try to go somewhere normal and there’s a date of mine, with his perfect little family. He isn’t affected by what he does and his family doesn’t know, but I know. The reality of what I live through everyday and what I have survived is too much to face. That’s when I go back out. F*ck him!
What would you need to change?
I need to change I know that, it’s not about that it’s about having someone who believes in me to give me chance again, like my foster mom did. Honestly, there might not be a day when I wont be out here, but I can tell you what to do: stop hurting your children. Stop ignoring her standing on that corner selling her soul. Most of us out here didn’t get here on our own. I had a pimp say once, “I bring the girls down here, 13 or 14 whatever, no one cares about them and they have nowhere to go. I show them what to do, give them food, a place to stay and a safe place to work. Once they’re a little older it’s up to them. They can stay, lay or pray”. You need to prevent this from happening to
someone else, I didn’t choose this life and nobody grows up wanting to be a whore.

Some stats:
• Average age of entry into the sex trade is 14 and it’s getting younger.
• Most children are leaving situations where they are being brutalized everyday.
• Age of consent is still l4yrs. In Canada, which means once they hit 14 and there is no guardian Involved no one can charge the dates unless they are individuals in power who are picking them up (judges, police officers, teachers). But who did you think the dates were? Money talks!
• 90% of youth involved in the sex trade have experience significant trauma (sexual abuse/physical violence/rape)
• Most sex trade workers continue to work the streets for survival, such as meeting their basic human needs, food, clothing, shelter and love.
• Average survival in the sex trade is 10 years tops.
• Most sex trade workers never exit, they have no education, no supports and often when times are tough resort back to the trade to feed their families.
• Highest percentage of individuals in the sex trade is women and those who do exit it’s usually because they become parents.
• The experiences of sex trade workers can be compared to someone who has witnessed war; post-traumatic stress disorder is extremely prevalent among those who have successfully exited and those who continue to survive it.
A friend of mine, who works with sex trade workers, conducted this interview. I have spent some time working (directly or indirectly) with many people in this trade. Each person has his or her own story and did not choose this lifestyle because it was a first choice. Most are youth who have been abused by predators that prey on the weak. The problem is that many agencies do not have the resources to properly address the real problems. They deal with the drug addiction but it is tougher to gain support to take care of a person for the years of counseling that it would take to heal the deep emotional scars. It takes time, money, and people to properly help those who are in the most need. Many of those who are addicts really believe that there is no hope. Why do we ignore those that really need to be given love?

I worked mostly with youth who were involved in the Sex Trade. Doctors, Lawyers, Ministers, University Professors and the man next door are all those that pay youth to have sex with them. It is a problem that cannot be ignored. I know that we are just University students but there is always something that can be done. We pour millions of dollars into missions programs while there are thousands of people that are in desperate need of our help in our own back yards. (I am not saying that it is wrong to support missions. I believe it is important to spread the Gospel). Stop the Johns. Heal the emotional scars of abused youth. Take in Foster Children. Change the Laws. All of these are difficult to do but must be done in order to better protect the innocent and enact change that brings real healing. There is no easy solution but as long as we ignore it there will be no solution.

---Trent \V. Derrick

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The Theology of Asking Jesus into your heart?

In Matthew 28:20 Jesus says, “I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” The problem is that people have created an entire language out of this that not only makes us sound foolish but also doesn’t fit into what Christians believe to begin with. To be up front about this, I should tell you, I’m not going to talk about how the heart is just a muscle or how Jesus is forever incarnate in a body and won’t quite fit in there. I’m not going to talk about Jesus at all. That’s the point. Jesus died a sinless man and justified believers by grace through faith. He did his job. “Inviting Jesus into our hearts” is just not biblical. Instead, I thought I might talk about the Holy Spirit.

We as evangelicals have long been guilty of sounding like morons to other Christians. For years we have taught our children and Sunday school class’s bad theology by asking them to raise their hands and say magic words. Never did Jesus say to someone: “Do you want to accept me into your heart?” We should all be a little more grown up by now; we should not continue talking like this... so, take out your Bibles and read a little.
First look at Rom 8:13-16; 23; these verses tell us that it is the Spirit that assures us of salvation. Paul tells us that it is the Spirit that “puts to death the deeds of the body” — that it is the Spirit that “redeems the body.” Next, take a look at Eph. 1:13-14; 4:30. Here we are told that the Spirit seals the salvation of the elect. We are told that though Jesus was the sacrifice by way our salvation can be sealed, that it is the work of the Spirit to do the sealing. This is even more clear from Jesus’ words in John 14:17 where He says, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and Spirit he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.”

The problem with phases like “ask Jesus into your heart” is that Gods words read differently saying, it is “the Spirit that brings life” (John 6:63) and “He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit.” It is that it is the Spirit that lives in us and not Jesus who died and rose again. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 3:16 “the Spirit of God dwells in you”.

* There are a number of references to the “Christ in you” in the Bible including the well known Rom. 3:16; however, it is generally understood that this refers to the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. It must be remembered that “Christ’ Spirit” and “The Spirit of God” are both names for the Holy Spirit. (There are also 17 other names used to in reference to the Holy Spirit. In case you need another example: In 2 Corinthians 1:21-22 it says that it is the Spirit and not the Christ that is “in our hearts”. You should now look at Rom 8:9,11. Here it says that it is “the Spirit that dwells in you”.*

By Ha Kohen

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Better Verses to Bring up in Class
by Ha Kohen

• 1 Sam 28:1-25 Saul goes to see a medium who calls up the ghost of Samuel for a conversation. Clearly it is Samuel and not a vision.
• Judges 11:29-40 Jephthah vows to kill the first thing he sees greet him from his house in order to win over the sons Ammon.
• 2 Kings 3:27 Mesha sacrifices his eldest son.
• 2 Sam. 13:1-39 Absalom has his brother Amnon killed for the rape of their sister, Tamar.
• Lam 4:10 Women boil and eat their own children as God’s anger is avenged.
• Ezekiel 37:1-14 A vision of the valley of Dry Bones where meat and skin reanimate the bodies of the dead.
• Zech 5:1-11 Winged women and flying scrolls curse the land.
• When Christ explains the parables “Gives to those who have, and takes away from those have little.”
• Gen. 3 8:22 Judah slept with her because he believed her to be a Shrine Prostitute. He wants her executed, but he is the father.
• Exodus 1:19-21 Midwives are rewarded by God for a lie
• lKings 22: God instructs an angel to lie for Him.
• 1 Sam. 14: an evil spirit sent by God. David and Saul are good friends but after the David and Goliath story, Saul has no idea who David is.
• 2Kings 24: God will not forgive

-Ha Kohen