A More Serious Reality
Sexual Abuse: It Happens!
Rectify this problem. May God’s will be done; innocent children are sexually abused. This is a personal dilemma that I was forced to try to resolve by “no fault of my own.” It has taken me several years of intense counseling to realize that it was not my fault, but sometimes I still struggle with overcoming the notion that I was somehow to blame. Sexual abuse does happen! It is not avoidable! I grew up in a Christian home and the offender was a respectable Christian. The “protective walls” of Christianity do not save one from this tragedy.
I was in grade three when my mother was diagnosed with a bone tumor. It nearly took her life, but my story begins with her spending several years in the hospital fighting for her life. As such, there were plenty of people in the church that were willing to help out with taking care of us children since my mother was away and my father had to work, now as our large family’s sole financial supporter. There were many people who took us in, but not all had righteous intent. One such friend of the family took it upon himself to teach me about the Birds and the Bee’s much before my time. I can still remember the smell and taste of such a violation. The taunts of being told not to tell anyone or I would lose the love of my family. Quite a threat for to a child that already missed his mother. As my mother recalled to me later, “You changed when I returned from the hospital.” My mother told me the summer before her death. ---It was the only time that we ever sat down and discussed her illness. --- She said she noticed the difference in my attitude upon her return, but did not know why. I never told her why. This attitude change was permanent and would shape the course of the rest of my childhood and into my youth.
As a teenager, I was quite the rebel. I never believed that I fit in, or really believed that I was capable of being loved. I was different! But I really did not understand why. I loved the booze and the second that I was able to have sex, “I was in like Flynn.” I was filled with rage and would fight anyone at the drop of a hat. I would never let anyone get close enough to truly love me, including my family members. I thought if they knew, there was no way anyone would be able to except me. I carried a chip on my shoulder while harboring a lot of suicidal tendencies. Sex consumed me. I loved it, but I could not love another person. I hated myself and saw myself as dirty. It was my attempt to control what I thought was love.
Eventually, I headed off to school. The Grace of God introduced me to the school counselor at a Bible College in Vancouver. I first went to him to discuss my anger issues because I knew that it was becoming a problem of major concern. This opened up what would be the hardest three years of my life. It did not take away my low self-esteem right away but rather it seemed to intensify as I learned to acknowledge what had happened. As I discovered that there were many others like me, it became extremely comforting to know that others felt the same way about themselves as I did. Still, it took quite some time to actually realize that the abuse I suffered was not my fault. I was advised to keep a journal and record all of my feelings. As I look back, I am amazed at my own feelings. The depression, anger and pain of my thoughts while I was in the healing process still seem quite startling to me. As I look back, words like “loser”, “torment”, “shame” and “hate” filled the pages of my journal; I am still affected beyond comprehension. As I looked back earlier this week this excerpt from my one of my journals really stood out to me:
Lost In Myself I feel that I cannot breathe As I am forced to retreat into lost innocence The world has no meaning Just feelings of painful memories Given a chance to escape A Prison of the condemned To gain freedom from My unjust sentence of condemnation.
I was angry with God, my family and my friends and could not understand why such things are allowed to happen to people. Healing is not easy, as surgery is sometimes required to remove what is harmful. Unfortunately, I could not be put under as the emotional cancer was removed. The surgery needed to be done... while I was conscious. One does not get off easy when healing emotional wounds.
It has been seven years since I actively started the healing process and I still have some self-esteem issues. But I am well on my way on the road to recovery. I decided to write this hoping that it will help someone out there who may be suffering alone. Whether you have been raped, abused as a child, or been sexually harassed, you cannot let it hold you back from being able to love or accept love from others. There are many great resources here on Campus. Seek the help of our Psychology Teachers, __________(Campus Pastor) or Student Life. They will be able to help or direct you to those that can. It will be a long road but it will be well worth it when you are finally able to see yourself as truly loveable and realize that it was/is not your fault. This is one of the final steps in my healing process. I am finally able to publicly about this for the first time.
Trying to rectify the question that I introduced in the opening, I realized it is a moot point. Some things we will never be able to answer this side of heaven. There is one answer to this that I believe is important to us all: We are all in this together. Counseling comes in more forms than just professional help. Many people have been there for me throughout this journey and have loved me even when I refused to accept their love. They encouraged me to keep going when I felt that I had no more strength to carry on. It is important to always remember to comfort those who seem to be hurting. Sometimes, it is the smallest things that make the biggest impact on people. It is important to never judge; you never know the story behind the mask of the one who is hurting. To those who are hurting. I have one last thing to say: There is HOPE!
- Anonymous
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Information to Help People Talk about Abortion:
Editorial note: In the summer of 1999, my girlfriend was the victim of sexual assault. Though it is rare, she became pregnant. Understandably, many problems developed. Later that year she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Jennifer Gwyneth Rose. A few months later, my girlfriend developed severe mental illness. In the year 2001 she was institutionalized after attempting to defend herself against the attack of an apparition. She stabbed her father. He lived.
Pro-Life Issues: The Christian church has historically always been on the pro-life side in one way or another. This does not mean all Christians are Pro-Choice and this does not mean that simply because others of us have believed something that we also have to. Historically, almost every major theologian until the 1500’s made a statement against both infanticide and abortion, including the “Didache” also knows as “The Teachings of the twelve Apostles”. One major exception is the great St. Augustine. (He followed the vegetable soul theory.)
Pro- Choice:
Original thoughts on abortion: (I don’t say this to be funny or to mock this opinion but this is something that I believe is important to know!)
Aristotle (384 BCE) thought that an unborn child was too undeveloped to have a human soul. He claimed that it began with a “Vegetable soul” (referred to earlier) and then moved up to “animal soul” at about 25 weeks and finally became a “human soul” at around 40weeks if the child was male and around 90 for female children. Most pro- choice arguments for human life are affected by, Aristotle’s “vegetable soul” or “delayed ensoulment” beliefs. The U.S. Supreme Court still uses this 1st trimester rule to determine the value of life.
Important questions to discuss:
When is a person a person? Do you have to look like a person? What about deformed or handicapped people? Do you have to be a certain age before you are a person? Does self- sufficiency make a person human? Do you have to be able to breath to be alive? Doesn’t a baby breathe in the womb? Do you have to be able to breath on your own without assistance? What about people with respiratory disorders? If the baby is at a point where it can control its movements, then does it become human? If so, what about people with Parkinson’s? What does this, say about our view of the mentally handicapped — are they somehow worth less, or not human? Do you have to be born: does simply feeling air against your skin make you alive? What about in cases of incest or rape? What if the mother’s life is at risk? What if the person at risk was you, or your wife, or your mother? What if the abortion is of a deformed or handicapped child? What if it is XXY? What if there are twins and there are complications and one must be sacrificed or both will pass? What if the baby will only live for a few hours in pain? What if both the mother and child will die? What if it is a fallopian pregnancy where there is a 0% survival rate for both the fetus and the mother?
The Truth:
Clearly, the Bible does not take a concrete position on this topic. Not one verse applies to the modern concept of abortion, and not one verse speaks to the time when a soul is given or an unborn child becomes a human. This tells us that contrary to what some people would like to believe, the Bible is not an exact word for word guide book on what to do in every entrance. Though it is timeless and speaks to all people, we are not given all the answers directly. We are expected to listen to His words, think on them, pray about them, and make up our own minds.
My view
The Church must love and maintain fellowship with both pro-life and pro-choice peoples. Not the Church but individual believers must come to their own conclusions in the area of problem pregnancies because we lack the wisdom and authority to decide on every issue and circumstance.
The Church must accept — without restraint — the abortions of problem pregnancies as moral, thoughtful decisions.
Convenience and embarrassment are not excuses or reasons to terminate a pregnancy.
If an abortion is to be performed, earlier is preferred to later.
Abortion should not be a criminal offence.
We should reject both violence and abuse of any kind aimed at pro-choice or pro-life supporters.
Life is a gift to be respected and an abortion should always be a last resort.
No sin is unpardonable. If it is true that an abortion is murder, all are still to be loved and cared for as Christ loves and cares for them. There is no excuse for the harassment of our brothers and sisters in Christ.
We as Christians have spent too much precious time and energy discussing these sensitive issues. If we as a community of faith were to put half of that energy into caring for expectant mothers, and providing better alternatives, abortions would become almost unheard of, and the debates made no longer necessary.
— Ha Kohen
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Masturbation: What Problem?
Since there was a joke in the third issue of The Realist about Masturbation, I have decided to write a serious article on the topic. I have spent many days in prayer and study trying to figure out what the Bible says on such an issue. It is mysteriously silent on self-gratification. It is impossible to write a “Christian” doctrine by what the Bible does not say. It does not address this issue specifically, so what is the Problem? Well let’s take a look and see.
The major argument against the practice of Masturbation is “Lust.” I had a minister tell me once, “If you can do it without lusting after someone, then I do not have a problem with it.” This seems like the standard argument against the practice itself, but what is lust? Lust is an uncontrolled, unbridled desire. You dwell on the issue and it consumes you. If this is true, then thinking about a girl/guy when you masturbate is not necessarily wrong. From experience, I never dwelled on the girl obsessively. It was just an image to help me get the job done. Have you ever heard the term I am going to put her in my “Spank Bank”? After I am done, I will never think of her again. Lust may not be a problem but being an obsessive weirdo is. You may have a problem and need to seek help. Masturbation may become the problem though, if you lust after it.
Another argument used against masturbation is that “sex” is meant for two people; therefore, masturbation is wrong. Still, is masturbation really sex? I would argue just as the Webster’s Dictionary does, that sex is meant for two people. That is why masturbation has its own meaning “caressing the genitals.”
Self-gratification is selfish isn’t it? True, but only if it becomes obsessive. Once something becomes obsessive than there is a problem. Eating is a form of self-gratification but it only becomes a problem when people eat too much or too little. I know what the next argument is going to be. But, we have to eat; it is not the same thing? Let me look into that for a moment.
We need to be touched. We like to laugh and be tickled. Some studies suggest that the sense of touch is so important to infants that some babies die if they are not touched. Others have suggested that babies masturbate as well, even in the womb. Freaky if you think about it. Masturbation seems to be as natural as eating.
The real problem is the guilt that is associated with it. It has been drilled into since we were small that “sex” is wrong. Well, Masturbation is not Sex. Don’t feel guilty about it, even if you do it once a day. We eat three times a day don’t we! The only problem that I have found with masturbation is if it becomes an obsession — then it is a problem. If a person had an eating disorder wouldn’t they seek help? If you have a problem, talk to a Teacher, _____________ or someone in the Student Life Department. If you do not have
a problem, go without guilt and enjoy yourself today.
Signed: Cutty “The five-knuckled shuffle” Sark
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Editor’s note:
“What do you want me to do? Wack a guy? Off a guy? Wack off a guy? Cuz, I’m Married...”
(Griffin, Peter. From “There’s Something about Paulie” — The Family Guy)
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Conversation with a Muslim (Part I)
Khan and I see each other almost everyday. He is honest and caring. He spends his days working with children — kid’s society has labeled as outcasts, delinquents and troublemakers. Khan is a good man. I consider him to be a valuable friend. We have different beliefs about god, the universe, and laws people should live by, yet we are still able to continue our friendship. Though Khan does not agree with certain aspects of The Realist, he has agreed to participate in an interview for the benefit of the students at Taylor — with the understanding that his interview will contain no slander, swearing, or spiteful comments. Khan wishes that all students take the time to listen to what he has to say. lie feels that Christians can benefit from learning how many Muslims perceive Christianity and why Muslims have certain beliefs about the world. He believes that peace will only occur in the world when people of different faiths communicate. Life also believes that freedom of speech is essential for true communication to occur.
*Please note: Khan has asked that his real name not be used.
*He was given the questions in advance in order to gather his thoughts and provide honest responses.
How long have you been a Muslim?
All my life! I was born a Sunni Muslim. Sunni basically means “orthodox.” The term emerged in the 10th century as a reaction against Mutazilah, a Muslim sect who believed that human reason was capable of discerning good from evil, as opposed to divine revelation. Basically, Sunni Muslims are the traditional majority who follow the example of the prophet Muhammad. They believe that they live the way Allah intends.
What does being a Sunni Muslim entail?
Well, I follow the five pillars of Islam. The first is the shahadah or profession of faith, “There is no god but Allah; Muhammed is his prophet.” In Islam, we believe that God has given people many great prophets, like Abraham, Moses and Jesus; however, Muhammad is the last and greatest prophet of Allah. The second pillar is prayer; Sunni Muslims pray five times per day. The third pillar is zakat, or charity for the poor. The fourth pillar is fasting during the month of Ramadan. Finally, the fifth pillar is the hajj or the pilgrimage to Mecca, which occurs once in a Muslim’s life. Obviously, being a Muslim affects my everyday life. There are certain laws that I have to follow. I have to eat halal meat, which means meat that has been slaughtered in the proper way according to the Koran.
What does being a Sunni Muslim mean to you?
It means that there is one God; one who gives justice to people: someone to care for the poor and punish the wicked. Because I
believe Muhammad is Allah’s last prophet, it means to me that the end of the world will come soon. Allah is the righteous judge. He will reward the righteous and punish the unjust.
Do you know any Christians?
Yes, a few.
What has been your experience with Christians?
Unfortunately, my experiences have been quite negative. The Christians I have met are very quick to preach to me about Jesus, love, and hell, but they are also the people I see who are judging and condemning others. It’s a very “holier than thou art” attitude. It seems as though Christians are more interested in converting me than getting to know me as a person. The Christians I know and have spoken to seem to have a lot of double standards. It has been my experience that Christians also like to blame normal circumstances and events on devils and demons. A woman tried to explain something about spiritual warfare to me. She said that demons could make you forget things, say things, move things around etc. I don’t really understand this kind of thing nor do I believe in things like this.
Do you believe in the Trinity: God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit?
No, the trinity is polytheism — for us there is only Allah. Muhammad is God’s prophet, but he is not divine. We also do not believe Jesus was divine. He was just prophet, a holy man. God cannot be man. God is God and man is man.
What are some other differences between Islam and Christianity?
Although Judaism, Christianity, and Islam are all Abrahamic religions, there are still some differences. I think we have a different view of hell. This view differs between different Muslims groups; however, I believe that if you live a pure righteous life and try to do good in the world, you will go to heaven, regardless of if you are a Muslim or not. Basically, we live by the laws of the Ten Commandments. God has shown us what is right and what is wrong. People who live sinful lives go to hell —people that murder, rape, commit suicide and abuse children etc. Some people go to hell for a certain amount of time and then Allah may choose or may not let them enter paradise.
Another major difference between Islam and Christianity is that we have one Holy book with one author. Christianity has the Holy Bible, yet it is comprised of sixty-six books, with many different authors, which underwent many redactions. The Catholic Bible has even more books that the Protestants do not acknowledge as authentic. With Islam, we were given our Holy Koran straight from God via the angel Gabriel to Muhammad. It contains no mistakes or contradictions. The Biblical authors contradict one another.
When I say the word “Christianity” what are some of the things you as a Muslim think about?
Unfortunately, one of the first things I think of is the Crusades. Islamic people remember the horrible things that were done to them in the holy land in the name of religion. Many other religious wars come to wind — Chechnya, the Palestinian Crisis, Israel’s war with Egypt etc.
I also usually think of a story my family told me when I was young. Many decades ago, when my family lived in Africa, there was a famine in our country and many people were dying. A Christian organization (which I will not name, though it is one of the major sponsor child missionary organizations in the world) came to my village. They offered my mother and her family food, safe drinking water, and clothing. However, before my family could receive these things, our children had to attend their Christian school and had to take their Bibles and go to their church. The missionaries were more concerned about my mother’s soul than her basic human needs. My mother was forced to choose between her faith and starvation. Thankfully, it is my understanding that this type of evangelism does not still happen today.
I think of a time four hundred years ago when the Portuguese and Americans used Christianity as justification for the enslavement of the black people in Africa. Many hurt feelings still exist in my culture because of this horrible atrocity.
I think of the Roman Catholic Church and all the thousands of cases of abuse that occur in churches, orphanages and residential schools.
Finally, I think of the demonization of the Islamic religion. I think there is a prevalent belief in Christian circles that the majority of Muslims are terrorist extremists who want to kill the infidel. Although, it may be more accurate idea to say that non-Muslim people in North America demonize Muslims, rather than just Christians. I think the American media has a lot to do with that; the television networks are very pro-American. After 9-11 there has been a great divide in the world — there are now those who are for American Imperialism and those who are not. Much of the Arab/Muslim world sees the US occupation of Iraq as profit motivated. You need to understand that many problems between Muslims/Arabs and the western world date back to the creation of the state of Israel in 1948.
Is it true that anti-Semitism is prevalent in Islamic culture?
For many Muslims, yes, the Jews are viewed as bad people. Many say the Jews are like Judas who gave up Jesus for silver. However, not all Muslims are anti-Semitic. Although again, you need to know your history to understand why so many Arab Muslims have so much hatred for the Jewish people. And please understand, I am only explaining the views of some people, not myself. I am not anti-Semitic.
Understood. Please continue.
The state of Israel was created in 1948 in the area when Palestinians had been living for a thousand years. Palestine was big enough for everyone to share; however, the Israeli military, with US approval, invaded parts of Syria and Jordan to expand their territory. Thousands of Palestinians, whose families had lived in the area for generations were thrown out of their homes and expected to live somewhere else. They were told, “This land now belongs to the Jews.” Thousands of Palestinians were displaced. One Diaspora was simply traded for another. Obviously, Muslims all over the world side with the Palestinians. However, I could talk about this for days and it would solve nothing. It is a very touchy subject for Muslims and Jews. My wish is that someday the Jews and Muslims in Palestine will learn to live in peace.
* This, interview has been separated into two parts for publication purposes
Written by Loft Gluckstein
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Profanity in context
Of late there have been numerous conversations on the topic of profanity between my fellow cohorts and I. Presumably one might think that the vast majority of Christians could come to some basic understandings on the nature of the impious tongues. Seemingly however, this is not the case.
In many ways, the Bible is unclear on this issue. It provides no list of “naughty words” the likes of which we are to consider forbidden. Instead we are left with only brief descriptions of tone and emphasis. What’s more, this is further blurred by our lack of understanding of the original text, as it is a temporal and cultural piece of literature. For instance, although we are told not to katara, “utter malediction or curses I pronounce divine judgment” on someone who might know what exact words would have been considered “malediction” at the time? (Gal. 3:10) Moreover, who might use Koine Greek to hurl these insults? Thus we must resign ourselves to the truth — that we have no such list and any register we may have created for ourselves is based not on Biblical example but on personal conjectures.
To be sure words only have meaning, as they are applied to a context and only, as they have come from the speaker. 2This can easily be seen in Jesus’ use of the word raca. Though few knowledgeable people would debate the severity of such a word, it only held
H meaning as He the speaker intended it. For instance, if the original hearer and recipient of Christ’ insult had interpreted raca as if Jesus were taking the name of YHWH in vain (clearly there is no connection) it would not be true simply because of its perceived nature. Christ can not then be called a sinner simply because people bring there own interpretations into account. Instead the word raca only meant exactly what Christ intended it to mean and nothing more.
Taken further, one might find that words are merely symbols that stand in for expressions of emotion. When we stub our toe or accidentally cut ourselves we might attempt to cover our emotions by the pronouncement of nonsensical words or phrases such as “Ahh! or even “chocolate sugar jets” as a person I once knew often did. Yet these fillers only hold meaning as we intended them to be from our emotions. In yelling “ahh!” we have not succeeded in fooling a perfect and all-knowing God, because our language is only representative and symbolic of something else.
What then can we make of this? Are there no boundaries on language? If words are mere symbols, can we simply use whatever words we wish to at any time or in any way? To this I would suggest a simple answer: No. Though we may not have a specific list of modem English words that God wishes us to avoid, we do have some knowledge of what
is forbidden. First, though few people would swear false testimony to YHWH, we can of course deduce that swearing anything falsely with God in mind is sinful. (Ex. 20:7) Second, we are not allowed to make accusations on the eternal destiny of other human beings. (Gal. 3:13) Thirdly, though Jesus Himself spoke of both Damning and Hell there is a proper context for these words that should be adhered to. (Mt. 23:15; Mk. 16:16) Finally, as we can see from the context of James, there is much importance given to the evasion of hateful language.
In short, we as Christians have not been given all the answers. What one person finds to be an obscenity may not be held as such by others. Though many pious people might claim that all should uphold their particular list of words, these assertions are baseless and devoid of any biblical truth. At the same time, nothing we say can be said with malicious intent. In truth, “swearing” can be anything verbal meant in violence whether it be vulgarity or simply a pithy wisp of air intended to affront your fellow man.
*‘Although we might suggest that “Damn You!” or similar verbal attacks could be considered profane as they imply karara, this is little more than speculative.
2 Context can have an amazing affect on meaning. Take for example the many ways that the words “shut up” can be used. Two in particular are 1) “Shut Up!” used to hurt someone. 2) “Shut up” used to mean “no way”. It is also important to note that these symbols are in a constant state of shift as new words are added to our vocabulary, old ones are dropped and maintained words adapt and change meaning.
By Ha Kohen
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We here at The Realist believe that we need to touch upon some issues that will make us think and become more compassionate Christians. Sexual Abuse, Abortion, Masturbation, Profanity and Comparable Religions will challenge all of our Faith as we engage the World. It is best that we are able to discuss these issues while we are in this safe haven called “Taylor.” We are at a University College and need to be able to have open discussions on these issues without having accusations of heresy. The truth is: Life is not always easy and fun. As we get older, we will all face a dark lonely day in our Christian walk. Bono stated it like this:
Jesus.
Jesus help me.
I’m alone in this world.
And a flicked up world it is too.
Tell me. Tell me the story.
The one about eternity
And the way it’s all gonna be.
WAKE UP
WAKE UP DEAD MAN
U2 - “Wake up Dead Man” (from Pop)
The longer you live, the more you will see that life and theology do not fit into a nice easy box. It is alright to feel hurt, anger and pain. If we ignore our feelings, we will become calloused and useless Christians making us impotent to reach those who are hurting and in most of the Gospel. I pray that we are all able to learn to Love and accept each other for who we are. We are all Fallen Beings that are on the same journey towards redemption. It is just that some of us are at different points.
Bastard Bob
